(In February, 2006, Yahoo and MSN announced that they're exploring financial incentives to get people to use their search engine. This is a short skit and song I wrote in response to that news.)


Search Engine Incentives - A Play in One Act (in 314 Words)


"The reason we're all gathered here today is to brainstorm incentives we could use to get people to use our search engine. Anyone have any ideas?"


"We could offer to pay for the winner's groceries for a year."

"That's a good idea. Any others?"

"We could offer the winner a new car."

"That's a good idea. Any others?"

"We could offer to pay the winner's groceries for a year and buy them a new car."

"That's a good idea. Any others?"

"We could throw in free gasoline for a year."

"That's a good idea. Any others?"

"We could offer to pay the winner's groceries for a year and buy them a new car, throw in free gasoline for a year and pay for their kids' college tuitition."

"That's a good idea. Any others?"

"We could offer to pay the winner's groceries for a year and buy them a new car, throw in free gasoline for a year, pay for their kids' college tuitition and pay off the mortgage on their house."

"That's a good idea. Any others?"

"We could offer to pay the winner's groceries for a year and buy them a new car, throw in free gasoline for a year, pay for their kids' college tuitition, pay off the mortgage on their house and offer two unlimited round trip airline tickets to anywhere in the world."

"That's a good idea. Any others?"

"We could offer to pay the winner's groceries for a year and buy them a new car, throw in free gasoline for a year, pay for their kids' college tuitition, pay off the mortgage on their house and offer four unlimited round trip airline tickets to anywhere in the world."

"That's a good idea. Any others?"

(pause)

"Maybe we could offer them a better search experience?"

"No, I'm sorry. That's absolutely out of the question."

Phil Shapiro


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If you have a piano nearby, sing along heartily with this ditty. (Sung to the tune from the musical Cabaret.)

Yahoo and MSN,
They want you to search,
Come take our money, please.
Our search engines are getting so lonely,
Come take our money, please.

We're giving out candy,
And beads and trinkets,
We'd love for you to visit.
We're spending all -- our -- assets.

(QuickTime Karaoke anyone? If you create it and post it on the web, I'll link to it from here.)


Upload your videos of this song to Vimeo and/or Google Video.

You can upload videos for free to Google right here.

Let's entertain ourselves on this one. You might win a lifetime supply of baking powder. (About one can of baking powder.)

Offer void where prohibited. Prohibited in the Galapagos Islands, Tierra Del Fuego and the entire continent of Antarctica.